I am now in my late 20s, and just when i thought i have done a lot, accomplished a lot, and have been quite sure with what i want to do, i was proven wrong. Very wrong, in fact. I feel like a teenager wanting more from life.
I thought then that when i have finished college, found a fulfilling job, and fall in love with a respectable good-looking man, everything will be perfect. Wrong again.
I realized that as i have advanced in age and experience, i have also advanced in dreams and discontent. Now i dream of pursuing an MA abroad, visiting the country's beautiful places, touring Europe, marrying next year (am not kidding), having two kids in the next six years, and teaching part-time. Now, more than ever, i feel that i haven't really accomplished enough, learned enough, or done anything that's life-changing or and mind-boggling. I feel so plain and boring.
At times, i also ask myself if my living for the last 20 plus years ever had meaning.
I have tried rationalizing my present mental/psychological state. Maybe am just burnt-out with so many responsibilities in the family and at work. Maybe am just being human having that insatiable tendencies (a.k.a. greed, discontent). Or maybe am now at the prelude to menopause. Whether or not there is such a stage in a woman's life, i don't know really. But they say that when a woman reaches the menopausal stage, she asks herself questions like "what have i done so far?" ... "have i lived a meaningful life?"...plus the erratic menses, hot flushes, and mood swings. You see, i've been asking myself the same questions minus the erratic menses and hot flushes (mood swings are a second nature to me).
Could i be having a mid-life crisis? But isn't it supposed to occur in the late 30s or the early and mid 40s? Could i just be turning nuts?!
Just when i thought my teens was hell...ah, my 20s is even worse. Nevertheless, life goes on. I can't just whine and do nothing. I am allowed to whine today, but continue living tomorrow and the next days. Life's journey is never easy, but only when we labor and experience inconvenience do we find happiness. Amazing, isn't it?
I thought then that when i have finished college, found a fulfilling job, and fall in love with a respectable good-looking man, everything will be perfect. Wrong again.
I realized that as i have advanced in age and experience, i have also advanced in dreams and discontent. Now i dream of pursuing an MA abroad, visiting the country's beautiful places, touring Europe, marrying next year (am not kidding), having two kids in the next six years, and teaching part-time. Now, more than ever, i feel that i haven't really accomplished enough, learned enough, or done anything that's life-changing or and mind-boggling. I feel so plain and boring.
At times, i also ask myself if my living for the last 20 plus years ever had meaning.
I have tried rationalizing my present mental/psychological state. Maybe am just burnt-out with so many responsibilities in the family and at work. Maybe am just being human having that insatiable tendencies (a.k.a. greed, discontent). Or maybe am now at the prelude to menopause. Whether or not there is such a stage in a woman's life, i don't know really. But they say that when a woman reaches the menopausal stage, she asks herself questions like "what have i done so far?" ... "have i lived a meaningful life?"...plus the erratic menses, hot flushes, and mood swings. You see, i've been asking myself the same questions minus the erratic menses and hot flushes (mood swings are a second nature to me).
Could i be having a mid-life crisis? But isn't it supposed to occur in the late 30s or the early and mid 40s? Could i just be turning nuts?!
Just when i thought my teens was hell...ah, my 20s is even worse. Nevertheless, life goes on. I can't just whine and do nothing. I am allowed to whine today, but continue living tomorrow and the next days. Life's journey is never easy, but only when we labor and experience inconvenience do we find happiness. Amazing, isn't it?
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