I haven't been reading lately. After my trip, I found myself preoccupied with lots of questions about myself, my life, my career, etc. I've been through this before but I couldn't remember how I handled it. I am so confused right now. Before me are options that are equally important. There is that option for further professional development, in which I could apply for scholarships abroad. There is also that option to set aside professional development for a while and focus on the wedding preparation.
Of course, it's easy to say that I can do both, but NOT really. Why? Because should I decide to take option one and be fortunate to get a scholarship, I will be away from BF for at least a year. If we really push through with the wedding, that means we will be away from each other on the first year of our marriage. I heard it time and again that newlyweds should not stay apart at least in the first two to three years because that's the time when they are supposed to know each other better. Honestly, I am scared of being "absent" in the first crucial year of our marriage. I know I shoudn't be scared, but after what we've just been through, I find it harder to leave.
I am a bit apprehensive with option two. This is not to say that I don't trust BF, but what if something will come up again and getting married will not be a sound thing to do? This means that my energies spent on the preparation will be for naught. Certainly, I will end up hating myself for putting off my scholarship plans.
So you see, this is not a simple "eenie-meenie-minee-mo" thing. This is something that I must discern.
I wish there was a formula by which to solve my confusion. Unfortunately, there is none. I must weigh each option. Wish me luck.
Of course, it's easy to say that I can do both, but NOT really. Why? Because should I decide to take option one and be fortunate to get a scholarship, I will be away from BF for at least a year. If we really push through with the wedding, that means we will be away from each other on the first year of our marriage. I heard it time and again that newlyweds should not stay apart at least in the first two to three years because that's the time when they are supposed to know each other better. Honestly, I am scared of being "absent" in the first crucial year of our marriage. I know I shoudn't be scared, but after what we've just been through, I find it harder to leave.
I am a bit apprehensive with option two. This is not to say that I don't trust BF, but what if something will come up again and getting married will not be a sound thing to do? This means that my energies spent on the preparation will be for naught. Certainly, I will end up hating myself for putting off my scholarship plans.
So you see, this is not a simple "eenie-meenie-minee-mo" thing. This is something that I must discern.
I wish there was a formula by which to solve my confusion. Unfortunately, there is none. I must weigh each option. Wish me luck.
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